This story is about a girl, who was blessed with a gift. She could hear things which others couldn't. She wished to keep it a secret from everyone. And it was easy to conceal it from the world, at least when she was younger. But as she got older, things altered for the worse. What started as a gift, matured over the years. And that is when she realized, the gift was not a blessing, after all.
Gemma Cairns was living this life for the past 32 years of her life. From the instant she was born, Gemma could hear more than what was said. She was the girl who didn't know the sound of silence.
It was a rainy morning in the old town of Kirkcaldy, Scotland. Gemma was peacefully asleep, her body buried under layers of blankets and sheets. Her eyes fluttered open to the sound of the rain getting heavier and hitting the window above her bed. She slowly sat up, rubbing away the remainders of sleep from her eyes. She reached out and grabbed her phone from the nightstand.
Gemma's eyes went wide when she looked at the time. She was late for work. Before even thinking twice, She jumped out of bed and stood up in a rush. And that is when it hit her, again. The dizziness, the headache, it threw her off guard and she had to sit back down to get a hold of herself. 32 years later, and she is still capable of being careless.
Once Gemma had collected herself, she rushed to get ready. This will be the second time this week when she was late for work. She hoped her manager is not present when she reaches the cafe. Gemma has been working at this cafe for the past three years. Ever since she became a mother, she knew she had to find a means of stable income for her kid.
Being a single mom is not a piece of cake. Gemma loved her son more than anything and anyone in the world. But sometimes she wondered if he misses the presence of a fatherly figure. Maybe not yet because he is still really young but maybe down the line one day, he might feel that absence in his life.
Gemma's shoes splashed water as she sprinted across her driveway to get to her car. Once she was on the main road, Gemma ensured to keep her windows shut tight. She couldn't afford to repeat this morning's episode, especially when she was driving. The wiper blades ran aggressively on her windshield to clear the view. The mist from the rain had descended in the air, she could see a hint of the cafe's sign on the horizon.
The "episodes" as Gemma liked to call them, occurred more often than she would like. Her head was always in a constant buzz. She had kept it a secret because she didn't think anyone would understand. Especially when she didn't even know how to explain it. The only person she has ever told this to is her mother.
Gemma was only 14 when she confided in her mom and told her the secret. She had the capability of hearing things that others couldn't. Her mother, who didn't take her "superpower" seriously at first, realized later that she was not joking. Except, it wasn't a superpower at all. It was her curse.
Her mother asked Gemma to describe what these voices sound like, what does she hear exactly? What is the sound that she hears constantly? And it was at that moment when Gemma really thought about it. What are these sounds? Gemma was stunned. She didn't know how to describe it.
When Gemma was a kid, she thought this is normal. She thought everyone could hear the things she could. But when she grew up, she realized it was just her. And she couldn't describe what it sounds like because there is no such thing which could resemble it even remotely.
Her mother was devastated to find out that Gemma had been struggling with this ever since she was born. But she only gathered the courage to reach out to her now. Gemma has never known what silence sounds like. She always heard something, anything, more than what is around her, more than what has been said.
Gemma had never sought help before the moment she spoke to her mother about it. And her mother was not going to let her daughter suffer alone anymore. She took her to every ENT specialist in the county. But to her dismay, not one of them was able to help Gemma.
When Gemma would tell the doctors that she can hear things that aren't there, they would suggest a psych consult. But Gemma didn't blame them. To her "I can hear my eyeballs moving in my head" sounds crazy too. Some doctors thought it's a case of blocked ears, they would just prescribe Gemma with different drugs, which ended up doing nothing for her.
After meeting almost every ENT specialist in the county of Fife, Gemma soon concluded that she will have to learn to live like this only. She has been doing it for so many years now, she will do it for the rest of her life too.
Unlike Gemma, her mother was not okay with giving up and letting her live like this for the rest of her life. So she tried to keep up the hope for her mother's sake. But soon enough, Gemma's priorities changed for good. Motherhood does that to a woman. Her time and attention were occupied by her son and she was not complaining.
Gemma's life revolved around her son and between that and the cafe, her life got really busy. But at the back of her mind, there was a constant fear of loud noises. Even when she would play with her son, she could never handle more than two toys at the same time. But she never spoke about it to anyone.
Gemma was brought back to the present day at the sound of customers walking in through the front door, the little bell jingling as the door opened and closed. It was a family of three, a couple and their little boy. She gave them a moment to settle down before reaching their table to take their order.
Once the family was done with breakfast, Gemma returned to their table to clean up. She was reaching for a coffee cup when it accidentally dropped on the floor. Before the cup could even hit the ground, Gemma knew what was coming. The smash sent a wave of dizziness in her head causing her to lose her balance and falling with the rest of the utensils.
A fellow waitress ran to her rescue and helped her take a seat. She quickly went to clean everything up. Once Gemma had regained her balance she went over to the family and apologized. "Loud noises and I don't work well together", she said with a nervous chuckle. The lady gave her a look which Gemma could not understand.
The lady stood up and asked if she could speak with her privately. Gemma was so certain she wanted to see the manager and have her fired. Nevertheless, she led the lady to a nearby empty table. Once they were seated, she asked Gemma about the noises. Gemma was astonished by her question.
Gemma looked at her with a blank face. The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. She passed it to Gemma with a warm smile. Gemma examined the details on the card. It was the details of an ENT specialist. "Just give this a try," the lady said. Gemma wanted to tell her that she has been down this road already. But for some reason, she didn't.
That night, Gemma tossed and turned in her bed for hours. She hadn't thought about seeing another specialist in years. She didn't think she is going to see him after all. What is the point? They either call her crazy or they prescribe her drugs that only make her sleepy. But a part of her kept wondering if she should go?
There is no doubt that she is beyond exhausted at this point in her life. Being constantly afraid of sounds and not being able to play with her kid. She didn't even have the luxury of finding peace at night when the rest of the world was asleep. It is true, she does not know what silence is. Gemma decided to visit the specialist once, if not for her, for her kid. She had to try one last time.
Gemma was seated in the waiting room. She didn't come with any expectations. But she was nervous despite it all. She knew the outcome yet she had to hear it again. The waiting room was almost empty now, which meant it was her turn. As she predicted, her name was called next. She gathered her stuff, took a deep breath and walked inside the doctor's chamber.
Gemma tried to explain her "situation" to the specialist. She was afraid of what he was going to say but to her surprise, he seemed to follow her trail of thoughts. For the first time in forever, Gemma felt like she was not made fun of. She felt heard and understood. She kept telling the doctor, about how this was all she has ever known.
The doctor told her he is certain of her diagnosis but only needs one slight confirmation in the form of test reports. He took Gemma for a quick test and within half an hour, he had her reports in his hand. The doctor seemed pleased because the reports confirmed his diagnosis.
As per the reports, Gemma had a medical condition called 'Bilateral Superior Semicircular Canal Dehiscence'. Gemma didn't understand what it meant but this news was like music to her ears. Because a diagnosis means there is also a cure. She began to see hope again.
The doctor explained that Gemma could hear the blood flowing through her veins and her heart pumping, and was sensitive to loud noises because her ear canals were missing part of the temporal bone. This means she can hear everything happening inside her body. It sounds dangerous because it is. Gemma came to know that she is a walking medical miracle.
This condition only affects about 1-2% of the population and doesn't happen to people less than 40 years of age. But with Gemma, this condition was present since her birth. This condition is difficult to diagnose because the symptoms vary from person to person. Some people tend to become actual patients. And Gemma was raising a kid despite the difficulty which was a miracle in itself.
These people spend years in therapy before even realizing that the problem is not in their heads. As a result, they lose their ability to function normally and live their lives in a miserable state. Some of them even hear constant vibrations from their voices. And due to this reason, hearing lower frequencies was a challenge for them.
The doctor informed Gemma that there is a treatment that can help her. However, it is a surgical process and it comes with its set of risks. Plus the surgery can be done one ear at a time which means Gemma will be bedridden and in excruciating pain, twice. And the recovery procedure will be tedious and painful too.
Despite the risks and length of the procedure, Gemma knew exactly what she wanted to do. If there is a possibility that this surgery could help her, she is willing to take all the risks that are associated with it. She spent all this while thinking this will never go away and now finally there is actual hope. She can't hesitate now.
The surgery took approximately 6 hours. The procedure was more complicated than the usual cases since Gemma had this condition since she was born. The part where the temporal bone was supposed to be, had a gap in the ear canal. During the surgery, that gap was bridged preventing Gemma to hear anything going on inside her body.
The heart monitor beeped in the otherwise quiet room. Gemma's eyes opened slowly, facing the white ceiling in a dimly lit room. It took her a second to realize, that the left side of her ear could not hear anything apart from the steady beep of the monitor. Silence. Is this what silence feels like?
Her happiness knew no bounds. Right there, in that instant, she felt something she has never felt before. It was peaceful and quiet, granted through one ear only. But going in for the second surgery didn't seem like such a task anymore. She couldn't wait to feel what complete silence feels like.
Once Gemma had more or less recovered from the first surgery, she was ready for the second one. The recovery period was challenging no doubt. She was in bed all the time dizzy and in pain. But the reward from it was worth it. So there was no hesitation for the second surgery.
Once the second surgery was over, Gemma was on bed rest for weeks. If the recovery period from the first surgery was severe, then going through that for the second time was even more challenging. Most of her days were occupied battling severe headaches, nausea, dizziness. She even lost her appetite for a while. But Gemma never complained once, because she knew from this point forward, she will live a normal life.
Months later, when Gemma had fully recovered from both the surgeries, she was blessed to live a normal life. There were no more sounds inside her head, she heard what was said, nothing more and nothing less. She could now play with her son without facing any more "episodes". Life was good.
Some of the people who are suffering from the same condition as Gemma, do not have the same fate as she did. They never find silence or happiness. And if months of therapy in a psych ward didn't make them crazy, hearing those sounds constantly without any explanation would surely do it on its own.
Most people are not aware that a cure for this condition exists. In fact, some of them are not even aware that this is a medical condition and can be treated with surgery. They live in the delusion that it is not real. Hence, instead of seeking help, they ignore it or just learn to live with it despite the difficulties, just like Gemma did for 32 years.
People like Gemma set an example of what you can achieve when you don't give up. Surrounding yourself with the right kind of people will help keep your spirits high. It is always encouraged to ask for help. When you can't figure out what is wrong, seek answers and let others help you. Do not suffer alone.